Turns out the upholstered furniture here on campus can be pretty… unaesthetic. Who knew? I spent my afternoon making a definitive ranking for your viewing enjoyment – you’re welcome.
Here’s my commentary on it all.
closest to what I *might* pin to pinterest: these are the best designs I found on campus. They’re art deco, inoffensive blue and yellow dots, color-coordinated stacks of stripes, 80s lasers, or a plain plaid – mild, innocuous, passably interesting at best. Actually, I’m rather fond of the one on the very left. It’s Great Gatsby-esque. Nobody’s going to go seeking this furniture out for its trendy or beautiful aesthetics, but they might strike you on sight as the least intolerable.
redeemable color palette: Here we’ve got the pleasing color palettes, self-explanatory, but why don’t I add my colorful vocabulary anyway? I’ll use it to describe these redeemable color palettes – the muted blues of the plaid, the dull jewel tones in the aggressive stripes, the simple cream (protected under rather unimpressive plastic), tolerably royal gold and red, and finally the mint and gold. If you squint, you view more of the colors instead of the actual pattern; you’ll agree with me.
omg that’s…cool…: We start off strong with the colorful bookshelf above the far out bowling alley carpet, then the green fans with rather repulsive orange tips, followed by brown dots and yellow circles (I know), and funky fantasy leaves, and then we round out with another plaid that would be tame if only it were black and white. All of which would leave you saying, omg that’s… cool….
upholstery from my dream last night: you know that barely-awake haze when you imagine all kinds of things that aren’t really real? All of these came from that exact moment, I’m convinced. Look at what we’ve got: that … striking… color palette in the bold stripes, the dreamy colors of the design reminiscent of traditional native american work, the plaid the rainbow fell apart on, the fantastical botanicals, and the overlaying cool and warm fall leaves. Was the designer truly, fully wide awake when these designs were created?
to be used to blockade doors in the revolution: read between the lines here. The “ambitious” hues will visually confuse any intruders, and the designs, each aggressive in their own way, will hopefully convince the intruders that our taste in design is indicative of worth and so we should be left alone. I’m not being dramatic – look at that trippy rainbow nebulous, the distasteful grid, the simply perplexing pastel circles, the intensity of that hotel lobby feature painting, and those… wow, what to say about those stripes?
So there’s my definitive ranking. If you see any of these designs in person, you can thank your lucky stars you chose a university with such flashy furniture.
Where to find these bea-u-tiful designs, from left to right:
closest…: CW 1st, NL 1st, RL 3rd, RL 2nd, MW 1st
redeemable…: CW 1st, SHL 2nd, RL 3rd, RL 2nd, CW 2nd
omg…: SHL 2nd, SHL 3rd, NL 1st, MW basement, MW 1st
upholstery…: NL 1st, SHL 2nd, RL 3rd, UC 2nd, MW 1st
to be used…: SHL 3rd, NL 1st, RL 2nd, UC 2nd, CW 2nd
