Birthdays have always been a special part of my life, from my first to my most recent, when I turned 69. I thought it would be a good idea to tell you about some of my favorite birthdays with everyone to share the happy memories that I got to have with friends and family on my special days. My first birthday was one of my favorites. I share a birthday with Abraham Lincoln, so I got to meet him on my first birthday, which was such a treat. We went to Ford’s Theatre to see a production of ‘Our American Cousin’. It was quite a spectacular performance and nothing went wrong at all. However, Lincoln looked awfully nervous during the middle of the show and had to leave a little afterwards. He was in quite the hurry, he practically gunned it out of the theater. I thought that was a little weird, but nonetheless one of my favorite birthdays.

I think another one of my favorite birthdays was when I turned 12 years old. My dad got me my first gaming computer and we spent the whole day playing my favorite game, Garfield Kart: Furious Racing together. I insisted on playing as the only good character in the whole game, Jon Arbuckle’s wife. I forget her name, but she obviously has the best stats of any character in the game, including the dreaded Nermal. However, my father also wanted to play as Jon Arbuckle’s wife, and this led to a huge fistfight between us. We were both throwing so many punches, fighting over Jon’s wife, that my computer started to overheat and ended up burning down our house. But other than that, I’d say that was one of my best birthdays.

My 16th birthday was also particularly memorable. I was finally getting a car to drive, and I was really excited to be able to drive. However, I then remembered that I lived in England, where the legal driving age is 17, so I waited until then. But my 17th birthday was quite memorable, as I was finally getting a car to drive! I couldn’t decide which car dealership to buy from, since there were so many choices. So, I got the same car from each dealership, a 2001 Honda Civic. I then took all of the cars on a test drive to the town square, where I lined them up in an inescapable ring, and forced the car salesmen to fight to the death in the middle. I gave them gladiator equipment as well. Eventually, one reigned victorious, and I ended up buying the car from him, which put me into crippling debt, since I had not saved up for it at all and had spent all of my allowances on copies of the ‘Who’s on First’ sketch on cassette. I don’t even have a cassette player for them, I just like looking at all of them lined up on my shelf and rubbing them on my face. I tried taking the cassette tape out and putting it in my ears once to see if I would start talking and doing the sketch, but I don’t think they work like that. I’ll try the nose next and provide updates later.

And, at long last, my favorite birthday ever, which was my 33nd birthday. This was the birthday in which I got a job at a department store and vowed to live a quiet and peaceful life. I’m not married yet, but that’s alright. I live in the northeast section of my town where all the villas are and I make sure I’m in bed by 11 PM at the latest. I always get eight hours of sleep no matter what, and before I go to bed, I have a glass of warm milk and do some stretches. This is how I deal with society and what brings me happiness. It also brings me happiness to steal hands from people. I really like hands. I just hope a high school student with an Elvis haircut doesn’t beat me up, that would be quite a shame.