Every edition, Hannah and I swap doing the editorial. When thinking of ideas last week, the first idea that came to mind was writing about loss. Seven years ago, I lost my ten year-old sister to cancer. I was 13 and felt so many emotions. I was angry, angry at the world, angry at God, angry at everything. I didn’t and to this day still don’t understand why she was taken from us. She was bright, full of life, and her smile lit up the room. I felt depressed, lost, and had no clue what to do. I still struggle dealing with that loss, and as time goes on it feels as if it hits harder. Over the last few months, I have noticed I find it hard to picture her, or hear her voice. These are all really hard emotions to process, and I truly need to take the time to process it more.

Over the weekend, EMU felt the loss of a student. While I didn’t know Sara, I felt those same feelings again. Hearing President Susan Schultz Huxman describe Sara made me think of my sister. Possibly it’s due to how busy and stressed I was at the time, but until then, the grief and sorrow hadn’t hit. 

After a few days, I remembered my plans to write this. I swayed back and forth on whether or not it was (and still is) appropriate to write or not. However, I feel it is important to write, as we deal with this loss as a campus. As someone who has dealt with loss, even if I do not handle it fantastically, I want anyone who is dealing with this grief to know that I understand, to some degree. 

Whenever I have had loss in my life, being around those that I am close with has been my go to. Having people around me who I have a close relationship with made me feel safe, and always heard. Up until a few weeks ago, I had never sought out any professional help. I was always worried about the cost of it, as well as believing that I would not feel comfortable talking to someone I was not close with. I felt this way for the better part of seven years, until the last few months when I had a porch conversation with my mother, and an intervention with some close friends a few weeks ago. I realize I have never truly processed or taken time to think about how I feel about things that have happened in my life, nor do I truly have the ability to do so alone. I also realized that while all my friends are fantastic, none of them are licensed therapists, and trauma dumping on them isn’t necessarily the best thing to do. 

I reached out by email to counseling services a few weeks after my sister’s birthday, and eventually set up my first appointment. Admittedly, I was extremely nervous about it going in, but I did my best to have an open mind and not have entirely negative thoughts. Thankfully, filling out the entry form eased my mind a good bit, as I was able to initially write down the traumatic events I have experienced, giving my counselor adequate time to garner an understanding of what would be discussed at this appointment. 

Once I got there and talked to the counselor, I realized this was something I should have likely done years ago. While I still have much more work to do, ripping off the metaphorical band-aid and sitting and not only talking to but being heard by a professional helped a lot. After the hour-long appointment, I set up my next appointment, and felt as if a weight was lifted off of me, and also felt proud of myself for taking a big step. 

While we as a campus learn how to deal with the loss and trauma we are feeling, I implore those who may be on the fence regarding therapy to try, if you feel comfortable of course. It is free at EMU (which is amazing, might I add). You can reach out to counseling services by email at counselingservices@emu.edu.