Last night, I stumbled upon a video that my friends had made for me for my birthday almost two years ago. One of my best friends took the lead in making a video compilation of many of my friends at the time saying really nice things about me and wishing me a happy birthday. I hadn’t watched the video in over a year, so I had forgotten exactly what it consisted of. After watching it (and during), I got very emotional. I didn’t expect myself to, especially since I’m no longer close to a lot of the people in that video. However, I started to cry and was overwhelmed with love. I could tell each person meant every word they said, and I believed them. 

To be honest, when I received the video two years ago, I didn’t believe the words that were being said. I didn’t believe that I was loved by so many people. But last night I believed every word that I heard, and it felt really good. I was very grateful.

While I was basking in gratitude after watching the video, I came to the realization that this is what it feels like to know that you are loved. It is a beautiful, overwhelming feeling that words can’t quite describe. 

For years, I went through life convinced no one loved me, and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling at all. I realized last night that it’s taken me many, many relationships over the course of my life to get to where I am right now and I want to publicly express my gratitude for these relationships, even those that have failed – especially those that have failed.

I’m grateful for the friends I had when I was a child – the friends who shaped my middle school experiences and those who stayed through high school. 

I’m grateful for the people who saw me at ages 14, 15, 16 and 17. Growing up was complicated during that time, and I couldn’t understand it for the life of me (I still can’t to be quite honest), but I am grateful for those who were there through it all. Whether we were friends for a month or you were a close friend who saw me at my best and worst, I have so much love and gratitude for how you’ve impacted me.

I’m grateful for those I thought would be my best friends forever but are barely in my life now. The moments I spent with you are irreplaceable and they have truly shaped me. I’m grateful for my school friends with whom I bonded over mutual interests, humor or even just being in classes together. If I ever told you I loved you, I meant it.

I’m grateful for the people who have made and continue to make my college experience what it is. To the people I used to see everyday freshman year but barely run into nowadays, I still have so much love for you and the experiences we shared have shaped me. I can see that so clearly now. 

I’m sorry to those I’ve hurt, and I promise if I ever get a chance to make it up to you, I will. Everyday I am learning, growing and realizing my mistakes and for that I’m grateful. For those who have hurt me, I forgive you and for those who I haven’t forgiven yet – I am trying. 

Whether overtly or not, I am realizing that everyone in my life has taught me something and that is truly a blessing.

I’m still young, learning, making mistakes and building relationships. However, I am finally realizing – truly realizing – that I was loved by so many and I still am, and I will be forever.