I’m not sure what drove me to wake up at 11 pm to write this, but I honestly feel the need to bring awareness to men’s mental health (not to say there hasn’t been awareness), especially for black men. Maybe because I struggle with mental health myself, and I can probably provide insight into ways those who struggle with mental health may receive the help that they need, or those proving the help can better assist us. I had an interesting conversation with four of my friends about men’s mental health. One of the questions she asked was, “Why is it that it’s women’s responsibility for men’s mental health when other men don’t support each other.” Now I know how it may come across–I didn’t provide context of our conversation, so it sounds bad–but she’s not the only one who had asked me this before, nor do I believe she is wrong for asking that question. The best answer that I can come up with is just don’t look at it as if it’s a woman’s responsibility or a supporting animal’s responsibility or cookies’ responsibility for men’s mental health, but rather see it as ways of men reaching out for support, because I don’t believe we know how to support each other. As a man, I think it’s easy to get caught up with our own things that we don’t help each other out properly, or quickly dismiss each other and it causes us to give bad advice like, “be a man,” or “just get tougher.” Continuing on, the mindset of black men not seeking help is that we don’t believe in therapy (yes “we”, meaning me too). Having mental health is for crazy people, and the way the community views those who even mention the word “mental” or have mental health issues is as if you have some sickness. Now, I can only speak from my own experiences, but I believe I might speak for all men when I say that; when men reach a particular age, we are subjected to little to no support.

Growing up, I was always taught to keep my emotions to myself, that nobody would listen to what I had to say or my emotions. One big lesson that I learned after wanting to be a rebel against that teaching is that people use what you tell them in confidence against you. I had my trust broken by people I called friends and thought had the best interest for me, I have gone through the traumatic event of witnessing my female best friend’s death as her step mom threw a knife that hit her tight and my best friend died to bleeding out. I ran home not saying anything and this occurred at a young age of 6 years old, as well as finding out people that were close to me passed away—dealing with self-doubt, feeling worthless, and have so much pain, heartaches and emotional damage bundle inside that I want to explode. And I believe that’s how men’s mental health starts. There’s so much that we go through, and the biggest thing to us is trust, and once we have that broken, we learn to trust no one! (actually, I think that might be everyone) Not even each other. It had taken me 23 years to finally put my stigma to the side and seek help due to my relatives and friends telling me to go see a therapist. Now, they didn’t say go see a therapist or even use the word mental or therapist, but what they did was share with me their personal stories of seeking help and what it is that it’s doing for them or how it has helped them.