I am an ‘expectations’ fiend. I live on that stuff. I can’t go a day without them. Almost every new situation I go into, I (not on purpose) develop this whole story in my head about what it is going to be like and how I am going to be in it. I always have these grand ideas about being way more productive than I usually am, being more outgoing, and spending more time on self-care. Although these are all perfectly good goals that can push me towards enriching my life, more often than not I fall short and then feel like crap. 

Once again, I am finding myself at a time where I feel as if I am falling short. Like I am not living up to my own expectations. This semester I am in Washington D.C. with EMU’s Washington Community Scholars (WCSC) program, interning with Catholic Charities Immigration Legal Services. We are about two-thirds into the semester, meaning a very new experience is now beginning to feel common and comfortable. In the growing familiarity and the wearing off of newness, I find my idealized self I thought so much about before the semester becoming less and less of a reality. 

Yet, this time around I am refusing to feel shame about it. 

I am not letting this cycle make me feel bad for being human. The truth is, I am accomplishing a lot- not as much as I thought I would be, but still a lot. I am learning a great deal about immigration and issues within the city. I am working on important projects such as country reports for asylum cases, contacting clients about assistance opportunities, and helping to fill out immigration documents. I am caring for friends and growing relationships here at WCSC. This is all-important and matters a whole lot more than meeting whatever expectations I had set. I am

learning to tell myself that It is okay if I am not where I thought I would be, or who I thought I would be. 

I am something much better: Me.