We’re so back, Weather Vane! Election coverage starts NOW! No more Joe! Kamala 2024! Brat Summer! Get Walz-pilled, get H-O-T-T-O-G-O to the polls! Be demure, be mindful, vote Kamala! Woo! We’re really going to do this thing! Donald “DUMP” isn’t going to destroy our democracy, no sir! No! Instead, we’re going to come together and stand up for what we really believe in! C’mon, let’s say it together! on 3! 1…
…I don’t know. Do you? “Not Trump” isn’t really a policy position, is it? I mean, sure, fighting back against policies that were designed by fascist right-wing vampires is an absolutely admirable goal. And, of course, Project 2025 is… well, evil (even though all Project 2025 really is is the Republican party line written down in plain English). But! Look, let’s cherry-pick a particularly nasty side of the beloved grand old party: immigration policy. The Republicans HATE immigrants, and blame them for the problems created by their own corporate-first economic policies! We can’t abide by that, can we? We, U.S. Democrats (haha), are the party of second chances! Of dreamers! Of the American dream made manifest! Of Obama, who surely never deported anyone ever (don’t fact-check that)! I truly feel Kamala will live up to this legacy, I just know it. Here’s an excerpt from her newly-created Policy web page:
“As Vice President, she supported the bipartisan border security bill, the strongest reform in decades.” … Oh, well, it seems as though Kamala has struck an accord with the vampires. Erm. I mean, hey, that’s good policy-making! After all, reaching across the aisle is always the correct thing to do, especially when the other side drinks human blood for fun. This is what those in the politics biz call “pragmatism.” Don’t get caught up in the details. What matters is that it isn’t the Republicans doing it, right? Trump would be worse, sure, there’s no argument there.
2…
But, hey. Maybe one right-wing immigration policy is just a fluke. What about the military? Who doesn’t love peace? In the ever-poignant (now posthumously canceled) words of John Lennon: give peace a chance! With the Democrats back on top, we’ll finally have an era of Pax Americana! Kamala, during her address at the DNC on (DATE) had this to say about our armed forces: “As Commander-in-Chief, I will ensure America always has the strongest, most lethal fighting force in the world…” Okay, so, this looks bad on paper. Like, really bad. But it’s not Trump! He would be so much worse! A little lethality never hurt anyone, right? This is the most pacifistic option, isn’t it? We can put up with a little bit of border wall and a little bit of war if it means we get free healthcare, can’t we? It’s the virtuous thing to do. After all, those policies won’t affect “us” directly… We ARE getting free healthcare out of this deal, aren’t we? Or free college…?
Stop. Look. Look at yourself. Is this really who you want to be? Is this what you are? Are you really going to vote for “the most lethal military” in the world? Just because, if you don’t, a mentally-unstable near-octogenarian will be even more lethal? Is this freedom? Is this democracy? Is it even really an election? You aren’t a well-informed voter! You’re a blackmail victim! Even if all American politics are just theatrics and spectacle (who would think such a thing…), why on earth is this the character you want to play?
Is this the lesser evil?
