For those fortunate souls who aren’t tuned in to the music Twitter “discourse” algorithm, it may seem strange to deem listenership of certain bands/songs a red flag, or some sort of moral transgression. Hah! How I envy you. See, the internet serves two primary purposes: polemic moralization of media consumption, and pirating anime… and this article isn’t about anime. So, let’s get to itemized puritanizing! It’ll be fun! And what better place to start than my own Spotify “likes” tab? Let’s see just how red those flags can get!
Before we get to condemnations, let’s establish what sort of music we’re even categorizing. I’ll be honest, it’s hard to describe what exactly makes a song a “red flag,” or “male manipulator music.” As lame as it sounds, it’s one of those “you know it when you hear it” type deals. If I had to ascribe some core “genre” features, I’d say the songs often contain themes of self-pity, pompousness, perversion, self-importance, edginess, jealousy, or just general loser vibes. One prototypical example would be The Smiths; Morrisey’s crooning (and whining) mixed with sleek, hip, 80s guitar work attracts lame-os like flies to honey… I saw a public Spotify playlist titled “male manipulator music” that was just The Smith’s entire discography. Very funny. Also, in case it isn’t abundantly clear; this is all just for fun. I’m not saying anything about the artist or the listener, I’m just goofin’. I love all of these songs, despite their unsavory reputation (well, most of them).
With a tap of the shuffle button, away we go!
“Ode To Viceroy,” Mac DeMarco
Red Flag Rank: Vampire blushing. Light pink.
This song’s awesome. The dizzy, wavy guitar distortion and laid-back bassline create a distinct, chill, indie atmosphere. Mac DeMarco’s effortless coolness as he proclaims his love for a cigarette brand (hence “Viceroy”) is infectious, and steeped in the sort of ironic detachment that hipsters spend their free time poorly imitating. Sadly, many pretentious, uncool indie listeners have a sort of complex where they see themselves as “deeper”, or more worldly, for their consumption of non-mainstream music. I pity the people who have had a Tinder date lamely explain the meaning of this song to them; but it’s still pretty cool. Pink flag.
“Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now,” The Smiths
Red Flag Rank: Red wine. Burgundy.
3 and a half glorious, unadulterated minutes of Steven Patrick Morrisey complaining; work is awful, love is terrible, and being fake is hard. All this bemoaned in a droll, British affect. Pure, sonic bliss. Whinging aside, this song is fantastic. I cannot overstate just how clean Johnny Marr’s guitar technique and tone is, and how thrumming Andy Rourke’s bass melodies are. Look, I’d be lying if I claimed I haven’t thrown a pity party or two with this song on blast. No one’s perfect. Just try not to make a habit of it, you know? It takes a special kind of person to listen to a Morrisey whine repeatedly. Red Flag.
“Hate Yourself,” TV Girl
Red Flag Rank: Cherry lipstick. Red.
Alright, things are getting a bit icky now. This song, sonically, consists of a satisfying piano lead, silky sampling technique, and some catchy drum machine beats. Pretty fun, pretty great. The lyrics, on the other hand… Well, the voice of our song seems to have a terminal case of “nice guy” syndrome. Throughout the ballad, our male protagonist does that weird “nice guy” thing, where the subject of the song (a woman) is put on a pedestal and belittled simultaneously, with his underlying desire solely being to possess her eventually. There’s a real entitlement stink all over this one… Surely the next song won’t be so rough. Red Flag.
“Pink Triangle,” Weezer
Red Flag Rank: 30,000 Boiled Lobsters. Too Red.
… Okay. This song is sung from the perspective of a cis, straight man who suffers from an unrequited crush on a lesbian woman. Not cool, Rivers Cuomo… Not cool at all. But hey! This isn’t even the most outrageously uncool song on Pinkerton (an album I have liked in its entirety, uh-oh). The punchy, laissez-faire guitar tone and overall garage-rock aesthetic are really appealing, and the structure of the song, SONICALLY, is really fantastic. Maybe it’s for the best that rock is dead. Never let a man play this song for you on guitar. Garishly Red Flag.
I think that’s enough self-critique for me, honestly. This is only 4 songs out of nearly 3000 in my likes—this may be a non-exhaustive list, sure, but boy am I tired! But hey; if you see any of these titles in the little “my favorite songs” pop-up box on some cutie’s Tinder profile, maybe… swipe away.
