Sitara’s Review:
Social media has popularized many things, not the least of them being internet challenges. Some brave members of the Weather Vane staff decided to participate in one of these: a hot sauce challenge.
For each round, the participants (Erika Lopez, Zack Furr, Will Blosser, Doran Kennedy, and Caleb Stoltzfus) ate some sauce on a cracker, and I took notes on their reactions for your enjoyment. The sauces for each round, in order, were: (1) Zack’s dad’s mystery sauce; (2) Tabasco; (3) El Yucateco; (4) West Indian Hot Sauce; (5) Scotch Bonnet Hot Pepper Sauce; (6) Beware.
Most notable from Round One were Doran and, to a lesser extent, Caleb deciding that the mystery sauce was “a little spicy” (Doran’s words), despite the rest of the group disagreeing.
Doran and Caleb’s reactions were also the most prominent in Round Two; Caleb’s exact words were: “Oh, GOD.”
In Round Three, Erika had to forfeit due to the smell, and Caleb was peer-pressured into adding more sauce to his cracker. The general consensus was that the heat from this one “keeps creeping up.” It was at this point that Doran demanded, “Why did we not get milk??” This was followed by a brief intermission while Zack left to bring milk.
For Round Four, Erika again forfeited due to texture, and Caleb took too little to taste. The general consensus here was that it “tastes really good.”
Round Five’s best comment occurred before anyone ate anything. While he was attempting to pour the sauce onto his cracker, Zack announced, “It’s like evil Dairy Queen.” Impressively, Doran claimed that he would actually eat this one.
The general consensus for Round Six was that this sauce was the worst one, but it was not murderous.
In a final show of courage, Will and Doran decided to combine all of the sauces onto a cracker as the culmination of the challenge—which Zack dubbed the “Evil Oreo.” After eating it, Doran noted, “Milk did not help,” but he decided that it wasn’t horrible. Will, who had gotten some of the sauces on his hands, accidentally touched his face and emitted what he later described as a “visceral scream.”
Now that you have an idea of the evening’s highlights, here are the testimonies of the participants:
Erika’s Review:
Friends, Ritz Crackers, and six bottles of hot sauce. How else would you want to spend a Sunday afternoon?
Together in the Weather Vane headquarters of the Maplewood basement, Will Blosser, Caleb Stoltzfus, Doran Kennedy, Zack Furr, and I indulged in a variety of hot sauces. Sitara Hackney sat as a bystander of our endeavors, as well as some friends of a few staff members.
We attempted to order the sauces from least to most spicy, our base for each was a Ritz Cracker. The first in the line-up was in an unlabeled skull bottle gifted to Zack by his father, and it was a good starting point for our taste test. This sauce only had a slight kick to it, and burned my tongue more than it did my throat. Its overall taste was okay, but nothing special.
The second sauce was one more familiar to staff members: Tabasco. This was my first time trying this popular sauce, and I must say, it was not for me. I found it far too vinegary, and heat-wise it was only slightly spicier than the previous. Mildly disappointing.
The third, fourth, and fifth sauces – El Yucateco Chile Habanero Xxxtra Hot Sauce, Matouk’s West Indian Hot Sauce, and Grace Scotch Bonnet Hot Pepper Sauce, respectively – proved to be challenging for me.
I have a strong aversion to many smells, textures, and tastes, and unlike the first two sauces, the smell of the El Yucateco was one I knew I could not stomach. I forfeited the round and enjoyed watching the diverse reactions of my fellow staff members instead.
The next two sauces proved to be texturally challenging for me. While the previous sauces had relatively thinner consistencies, Matouk’s West Indian and Grace Scotch Bonnet were too thick for my liking. Despite vigorous shaking and many hard slaps, these yellowish-brown sauces refused to leave their bottles (perhaps a sign from the universe to *not* go on with the taste test.) I didn’t have the stomach to try either of these sauces and had to step away from the table while the others ate them. Overall, the group seemed to enjoy the flavor of these two.
The sixth and final sauce of our taste-testing journey was Marie Sharp’s Beware Comatose Hot Sauce. Flavor-wise, this bright red sauce was the worst of the three I tried. It was also the spiciest, as I felt its heat on my tongue for much longer than the other two. However, it wasn’t the spiciest thing I’ve ever tasted. I was hoping to shed some tears during this tasting but was unfortunately left unimpressed (and a little queasy.)
My final thoughts: I don’t think I like hot sauce.
Zack’s Review:
Need something to do on your 21st birthday? Do I have the experience for you! The idea for testing different hot sauces was proposed at a Wednesday meeting a few weeks ago, and I suggested doing it on my birthday. While people normally go get their first adult drink at a restaurant on their 21st birthday (I did this too), I spent it testing hot sauces with some good friends. What could possibly follow a burger and an old-fashioned better, than six different hot sauces? Yum. The burger I got did have jalapenos on it, so I was able to prep my palette beforehand.
The first sauce we tried was a skull bottle of hot sauce my dad received from my aunt that he gave me. It had sat in our apartment for a few weeks and decided that this was the best possible use for it. It wasn’t very spicy, more so of a nice little kick, that tasted pretty good, especially compared to the sauces we would try later. The kick didn’t last too long, but I didn’t mind that. Spice- 2/10, kick- 3/10, flavor- 6/10
The second sauce we tried was Tobasco. I would use one word to describe the taste, kick, and longevity of spiciness, “meh.” Once again, the kick and spice didn’t stay with me, although the initial kick of both was a little more than the skull sauce, and it tasted worse than the skull sauce. The vinegary taste wasn’t one I enjoyed, but I could see why some people enjoy the sauce. Spice- 4/10, kick 4/10, flavor- 4/10.
The third sauce was El Yucateco. One word to describe this sauce: pain. I enjoy spicy food, but only food that has a kick. The concept of eating something that is only spicy, with not much taste has never been appealing to me. I want to eat food that tastes good, and if it has a kick, or is spicy as well, that’s fine. This one was just pain, nothing else. The pretty heavy kick lingered on my tongue for a good six minutes, during which I ran to my apartment to retrieve milk for all of us. I wouldn’t describe this sauce as extremely spicy, it just had an extremely prolonged kick that irritated my tastebuds. I would not use this sauce on anything. Spice- 6/10, kick 8/10, flavor 1/10.
The fourth sauce was Matouk’s West Indian Hot Sauce. I found this one to have a great blend of taste, spice, and a little kick behind it as well. I would describe the transition of going from the previous sauce to this as going from Hell to a spicy version of Candyland. A sweet sauce, with a nice, mild afterburn. The sensation of actually enjoying a sauce came back to me, and was a nice reset to the previous sauce. Spice- 5/10, kick- 5/10, flavor- 8/10.
The fifth sauce we tried was the Scotch Bonnet Hot Pepper Sauce. The bottle, and thickness of the sauce made it like an evil Dairy Queen Blizzard. I was able to hold the entire bottle upside down, and even get it a little shake, and nothing would come out. Once the sauce actually made its way to my cracker, I was able to enjoy this one! I enjoyed the flavor, and the nice kick that went along with it. It wasn’t extremely spicy, but it was spicy enough. Yet another sauce I could actually see myself using. Spice- 4/10, kick 5/10, flavor 7/10
The final sauce we tried was Marie Sharp’s Beware Comatose Hot Sauce. I saw her face all over the store we went to, so I am dubbing her the Queen of Hot Sauce due to this. This sauce was just as evil, and moderately pain-inducing as the third sauce, but had more initial spiciness instead of a kick. Yet another sauce that was more spicy than actual taste, which once again, I do not like. This sauce, despite it being the most evil, did not place me into a coma thankfully, despite it claiming it is comatose level. I would not use this sauce again. Spice- 7/10, kick- 7/10, flavor- 3/10.
My final thoughts: I preferred the burger and the old-fashioned birthday meal.
Will’s Review:
My mouth still kinda hurts… and the scream *was* pretty visceral.
